I don’t remember a time that i ran into my parents bedroom because i needed an answer that i couldn’t find. But tonight i felt like what happened bordered on it.
The last week has been a maelstrom of incremental changes, decisions, hard conversations, great conversations, miscommunications, feelings, conclusions, that seemed to sway like an awkward dance or the ocean. But it also was pointed towards a crescendo of completion. at least i thought. But my original intended completion date came and went. and then again. And then again. and then things began falling apart. and even tho i felt out of my depth i didn’t run to my parents room, because i didn’t know such a thing existed. I tried to hold everything together. Which worked… for a little bit. But like trying to weld with a chainsaw, it just didn’t go so well. So it all started collapsing more until two splashes of ice cold water smashed my face.
That was the end. I ran to my parents door and knocked timidly because i didn’t want to disturb them. But then i found some guts and knocked again. Now the parents i refer to in this story are more mentors, advisors, authority in my life that i have fallen in love with more and more this year as i trust them more and more.
So I walk into a family. Reading, helping with homework, cutting up oranges, checking the washing, holding conversations with multiple people and feeding fish. I felt instantly safe and joy filled. The room was filled with life. and in between the multiple happenings, these beautiful parental figures begin to untie the confused stress ball that was my heart. They picked out little things i would say and explain why it wasn’t connecting. They asked weird questions, that took us to places id never thought. and then after asking questions, they began inputing. But it was like a team sport. We passed the ball back and forth, but when needed they called for the ball and smashed it in the back of the net. All the players wanted the team to win, but i had been staring at the grass near my feet and not any of the other parts of the game.
They didn’t leave it there. They agree to sit with me tomorrow, they asked after other things, they made me laugh and showed me funny photos and a list of principles that made me photograph it to keep it for my own children. and then…. he walked me to the door.
I love family. I love wisdom that doesn’t come from my head because it is usually so much better. I love that the kingdom of God is filled with people that i am not like but i get to love and like and enjoy. and i love when people you put in the hero box tell you they are proud of how you are growing.
Today was way too confusing then i wanted it to be. And i don’t regret much, but i sometimes wish i could fix everything because i don’t like when people are uncomfortable.
I also like that the kingdom of heaven is a community of comfort, starting in the heart of the God who made us.