How do you say yes to living the rest of your life on the other side of the world? I mean really.
My generation is the “we will see” generation. We will see if that’s fun in a week. We will see if it gets hard and then I will leave. We will see if the people are nice after the initial excitement runs out. We will see if there is better.
And I am pulled in all these directions. at the same time I have a deep down need and desire to settle and dig in deep. And not in the mortgage weekend paper type way. But in the intimate community kind of way. I want a people. I want history. I want deep friendships that have gone the hard yards. I want to look back at blood stained sweat fuelled work and say “that was worth it”.
But as I sat in that basement kitchen with four complete strangers from three different nations, all leading passionately in their own right, all filled with amazing ideas, but respectful patience also…. It came up.
I want to commit to a place I don’t know, to a people I haven’t met, a language I can’t understand, to snow for a quarter of a year, to having to make completely new friends, start from scratch, in the literal other side of the world.
And the only thing holding me back is this deep sense of… Is this really it? I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t want to start “la dispute” only to realise I’m in The wrong ring, the wrong arena completely.
And of course the other thing that freaks me out is… Family. But that’s another blog.
I want to lead people into a deeper knowledge of Gods love and creativity in each uniquely individual soul. I don’t care who or where, and if this is the where I want to blow a huge trumpet and start. I don’t want to wait. I don’t really want to prepare. And the greatest pioneers are the ones that just went and made mistakes and wrote books about those mistakes that then helped others pioneer greater things.
I saw snow today. I lead worship today whilst getting words from strangers that my personality would soothe the unrest of this nation. And then An australian confirmed it. No stress. I felt at peace. I then got another word asking “have I not called you?”
So with all the odds in my favour, why I don’t just yell YES like I normally do and figure the rest out later… I’m at a loss. A little flummoxed.
What would be next?
Today I had a cool breakfast. I hung out with a Latvian version of my hero Gregor. His simple and bluntly truthful outlook and life made me want to walk through museums forever with him. His life hasn’t been the smoothest, but he is free, he has a Dad in heaven and he laughs a lot. I met a tall norwegian who wants to improve the world and has the systems admin brain that could do it with quality, I hung out with a rad German dude who kept looking at me weird during worship… Thinking I was out of tune I asked later and he was “just looking”, who then explained why he wouldn’t eat tomatoes with a YouTube video, I met a rad Latvian woman who translated parts of the museum for me.. She didn’t speak Lithuanian, I got told I looked like a fat, bald, moustached polish king by multiple people… Prompting me to think about getting a haircut . I ate a huge salad. I got given cool ideas. I made a lot of people laugh. Like I mean… A lot. Sometimes at the wrong times. (I just remembered I have a croissant in my bag) I saw snow, I played songs I haven’t played for a long time because it felt right, I almost bought gloves. I saw snow, I drank a good amount of water, I got given a poetry book, I heard more history, I realised my shoes are not good for cold places, I saw snow. And I saw snow.
Ultimately today was all about… Snow.. And jesus and once again considering moving to lithuania for the rest of my life. Yaaaaay. Let’s hear it for moments of “how the crap did this happen to a bogan punk kid from Canberra?”
I’m living the life of my dreams.
I’m living up to the great standards of the inheritance my parents handed me at birth.
And it’s freaking me out to my core.
Let’s pray for freaky dreams or deeper sleep that filters out the Latvian farting and snoring.