Its crazy what can happen when you forget why you are, what you are and what you love doing. I had a moment today that I forgot everything and got super sad.
We have been in a seminar this week and part of it has been to write and think about our mission statement. A snappy sentence that one can share quickly to give a window on what I am doing and plan to do. My calling, my vision… synergy… epic multiplication. etc. Sometimes I feel like Jack from 30 rock with buzz words. And i’m pretty good with buzz words if i need to be. I can get a group of people excited and frothing at the mouth with the desire to run and dance on the streets.
But as I sat there, it dawned on me. I’m free. and its daunting.
For so long I have had a 9-5 job, or an 8am – 9pm job. and i have loved it. the structure, the needing to be somewhere, but the more i think and plan for this year, the more i will be keeping to creative schedules. producing things late into the night, or sleeping in and social media-ing till lunch. Or flying to different parts of Europe to recruit or scope out the land. and the uncomfortable unknown crept up my back and freaked me out a little.
Because we humans LOVE labels. Even if the army of Hipsters who refuse all labels would beg to differ, we like belonging, be like sharing meaning with each other. and for a few moments today I struggled to label myself concretely.
Then we were led back to our mission statements. What we WANT to be focusing on, what we are passionate about etc. And the more I thought back about why I am in missions, why i am in sweden, why i am, for this year at least, living out of a weird unboxed box. God called me, I love community, I love seeing people love and create community.
So I made a paper boat, plane, house and laptop. I used it to explain to myself why I am here. and yes while i explained it to myself I was also standing in front of a room of my peers. and they didn’t really know what was happening, but my sadness was defeated by explaining outloud how i love the irritation of community, how i love being piled into planes to go on adventure with groups of strangers. I miss it. and as i continue to iMessage and SMS friends in mexico and india and PNG I crave to go on God adventures with people again.
I keep asking God why Im going to lithuania too and it is looking more like community will be the answer.