Five Reasons I am a better hipster than you.

1. I haven’t bought a pair of pants ever for more than 30$ and most of the pants I currently own were found or given to me. Three of them are bright colours (red, green blue), most of them are super skinny legged and worn sometimes belted, sometimes not. And yes sometimes you can see my underpants.

– I’m more of a hipster than you because I started wearing skinny legged jeans because they are comfy and because all my friends were doing it. I continued doing it because they are more professional than track pants, and I’m strangely allowed to wear them when photographing weddings and going to church….

2. I have never paid for a hair cut. My Dad shaved my head, then I did, then henoir did, then Micah did, then I did again and then sometimes girls I knew did it. I have paid two Cambodian men 1$ each to shave my beard for two movembers.

– I’m more of a hipster than you because I spend very little on my physical appearance. I don’t know why, I just never have. Although i did go through a season of dying my hair every colour you can think of except pink. (I did purple and accidentally did green once.)

3. I listen to bands that no one has ever heard of, but everyone seems to like. This is because I have awesome friends like Luke Summerell who are better at finding bands that I like. This is also because I like bands that aren’t good at recording their stuff because I don’t really care for quality sound, although sometimes I do. I also like weird stuff that is hard to listen to at first, stuff that has to be worked at to enjoy, kind of like hummous when you were a kid or dark beers.

– I’m more of a hipster than you because I listen to french hardcore and german hip hop, but I also really like Boney M and Paul simon – who have more pop sensibilities than your precious icelandic bands and your “taylor” swift. And secretly I love Justin Timberlake and I once owned two bon jovi albums and Spice world. I secretly like most music but hardcore and jazz keeps my attention for longer.

4. I really enjoy my parents company and I vote very differently to them.

– I’m more hipster than you because I skype them every week I can and we talk about art. And although I grew up refusing to get into understanding politics, when I did, I went super the opposite to my Dad, which is weird because I thought we would end up on the same side. But it wasn’t out of rebellion… kinda the opposite.

5. I’m super ok with labels. I’ve been called weird all my life, I’ve been a muso, a drama kid, a christian, a pot head, an aussie, a girl, a bogan etc etc. Im quite ok with labels because they connect me to something that is usually close to the truth and it helps people understand who I am. I understand that I am unique, but not really. Im just a mini version of my parents with more cheekiness. I’m like a less courageously genius version of my best friend, i am like those I hang around with… but a little different.

I am the king of all the hipsters because I’m ok with that title. I was a hipster before most of the current trendy hipsters were even conceived of by their conservative parents.

(Side reasons that I am more hipster than you. I only like flat whites. I don’t like foam. I don’t understand Spanish, I make Kambucha and mead and winkie juice. I love George Orwell and Lithuanian Poetry, I’m technically unemployed in the way you think employment exists, I understand capitalism… i just don’t like it, I have pooped myself in the last 5 years, I don’t sleep much, I love IPA’s, I have a foot tattoo that i got in Vietnam, aaaaand i wear a side shoulder bag from mexico. i am your king… the king of the hipsters)