Thanks to a podcast and the pilot episode of my favourite comic brought to television I have been reminded of one of the bigger reasons I am in Lithuania, on the other side of the world from my hometown.
The hopelessness of my teenage years.
At a very early age, I came to the conclusion that existence was pointless and sad and had no reason for me to exist in it. I was regularly bullied, I wasn’t good at sports or music at that point. I was good at reading and not sleeping and that was about it. There was a season of life that we moved into my Nanas house because she was sick, so I spent most of my nights sleeplessly staring into an open fire with my own hand-made knitted blanket wrapped around me. I was far away from my friends, living in an old giant house reading fantasy epics and wondering why I was still alive when I finished each book.
From that point, I figured that I sincerely didn’t want to die, so I needed to give life meaning. I needed to find purpose and reason for each breath. I wasn’t depressed. I was just meaningless, and I needed that to change. Days later I started teaching myself guitar. Months later we moved back to our home and I started a band and a hockey team. A year later a friend of mine asked me about my thoughts on eternity as she struggled to live in constant pain from thyroid cancer.
I spent a whole day in the playground thinking. Surrounded by a Hindu friend, a Muslim friend, an outspoken atheist friend and a friend who didn’t really care but was good at conversation – talking about why I existed. I came to the conclusion that I believed there was more to life than what I saw. That I believed there was something out there, and as my family was aligned with one labelling of that “something” I aligned myself also with that “something”
So fifteen years ago I began this journey of labelling the world a certain way. I have constantly tested that labelling and found it to be life-increasing to me and others in the communities I have found myself. This includes a cross-continental move to my current residence.
What began my thinking on this today is the odd insecurities that sometimes come from holding to ideals that others don’t agree with. The odd anti-sentiments that are thrown towards those that don’t label the world as you. Now, I have been guilty of both. And I am sorry for that, but I am slowly moving to a pattern of life that is so secure in how I see and label the world that I invite dialogue, I invite scrutiny. I invite discussion. And with some, I have found a willingness to do the same. This is when wonderful conversations happen. Conversations that get super passionate and deep whilst staying respectful and peaceful.
And with that in mind, I thought I would restart blogging with these kinds of dialogues in mind. Themes like ‘Australian milk. and why we should help farming families succeed or grow into something else’. ‘Transgender bathrooms. and how a lot of the world already does it quite well, but for some reason parts of the west are losing their minds over it’. ‘The decline of family security, the rise of loneliness and why everyone seems to be ok with it’ ‘monopolies and how they could better humanity at large’ AND the age old ‘Gay marriage is an abomination to the Lord. and how that terrible standard for Gods love makes God look like a big idiot’ or the hot button ‘modern secular Israel is not Gods people just because someone gave them the same name in English. and its effects in the middle east’
I am convinced that eternity is now. That we get to choose to live. Or to die. and that choice is now. and for some of us, that choice is made for us. Those of us living can help others live or to leave them in death. e.g a refugee fleeing and needing a job or a grandmother with no children or grandchildren left alive. I am convinced that there are things in this world that science cannot explain, but faith can. And I am just as convinced that there are MANY things that faith and a 4000-year-old book can not help with, but science can most definitely improve. and I think the combination of faith in a God, knowledge from science and a healthy dose of experience and tradition, a solid history and flexible invention will get us ALL living better lives.