Wow. way too relaxed with my america trip stories. oh well. This is probably one of the better parts.

Check here for disclaimers.

So, my first couch surfing experience. I walked into (lets call him) Logans house. He lived in a bedroom in a house of 6 bedrooms and most of his house mates he didn’t seem to know. He lived in China town. And after arriving and being given a welcome snack he said ‘Oh yeah, I’m a flight attendant and I’ll be going to Shanghai tomorrow for a few days. You can have my room till then, just don’t let my house mates see you… they’re a little weirded out by couch surfing’ We then went on a short tour of China Town and then left me to explore LA (i.e begin first of many panic attacks)

I explored LA through google maps, so i most definitely walked through some areas i shouldn’t have. (confirmed by Ryan later laughing at seeing where I walked) I saw many things, many people, many homeless street hangouts in tents. and returned home earlier than planned and went to sleep in a sweaty hot room with a stranger.

Next day I went to two of my heroes house to meet their cute daughter and hang out with a third hero. We were taken out for steaks and then watched some tv and chatted about life and love. The three adults in the room had been responsible for crafting my thinking heavily from 2009-2012 and it was refreshing being with them again. Exciting to hear of their movements and inspiring to see their parenthood being so perfect. Their daughter ended up speaking to me, but it just took awhile.

We drove back into town to have dinner with the friend I would spend the most time in LA with and laughed and chatted and then headed off back to my couch surf place. Successfully showered without being seen and spent the day in a cafe and then in a giant book shop. It was huge. it was so big that it gave me a panic attack. During my panic attack an internet friend told me that we had agreed to meet at the wrong cafe, she was actually a few buses away, so i got on the bus and ended up in a strange place.

This internet friend i had never actually met in person, and as i walked in she said ‘I just found out that one of my friends was strangled to death by a guy i knew after which he killed himself too. so.. this may be a strange hang out. She ended up telling me about her work with a feminist magazine and wanting to produce a table book of sorts chronicling her many online romances. She spoke o her two husbands. The one in India, and the one she lived with in LA. She spoke of all her tattoos. that she was a guinea pig for one of her friends. she was her friends first skull tattoo, leg tattoo, ribs tattoo, inside mouth tattoo etc. She also spoke of being a prostitute for most of her life up until three months ago after finding out she has some interesting health issues. She went into detail at this point that i will spare you, but… it was strange how honest she was being.

I got one of my favourite beers and fish and chips and she bought me a shot of gag liquor. (i say gag because people get it for their friends just to see their reaction. its grapefruit.) i drank it without reaction and the bar lady was all “you’re no fun” hahah. we then went to another location and after speaking to all the people in the bar, and choosing many songs on the duke box, a friend of hers came in and said “my dog has died” the mourning for the recently dead dog was oddly deep, but i had to leave so i awkwardly excused myself from that strange hang out and ran to the bus to get home for my couch surf host.

It was at this point i had no where to stay and began panicking again. But thankfully ryan let me crash on his floor (and long board) for two days allowing me to continue exploring art galleries and cafes with Holly over the next few days before moving in with one of the nicest and timely friendships of recent times. a friend from Texas who i had met in australia almost decades ago found me a place to crash with a movie producer just outside of hollywood. we had so many common questions about life. we ate italian food together the first night and watched movies together the other nights. and it was beautiful. I even went to a bible study at his church (weird al goes there) and was reminded of many times during my youth. it was oddly refreshing.

This was also during the time i read two books that rocked my world. That took the rug out from underneath me and had me relabelling everything and wondering what my life even was. It was uncomfortable. it was terrifying. and all i wanted to do was run away and not be in LA. i hated LA then. I hated my life. i hated that i couldn’t get a solid answer out of my brain. i sat in cafes and journals and sweated and drank too much coffee in the midst of panic attacks. AND to add to that i kept remembering that I was about to go into a YWAM gathering of 4000 fellow missionaries.. and thats not really a place one wants to do an existential crisis thing. but from a few sources i kept being told “you’ll be right” after a few conversations and a few moments a lone i concluded “relabelling doesn’t mean you’ve lost anything. you have just recoloured things that are still there”.

Then out of the blue one of my favourite people contacted me and invited me to stay with her for the last two nights i had there and her brother offered to drive me to the airport. #best! so i got two days with two of the funniest little dudes, and a positive close friends and her family. it was glorious. it was hilarious. and i did eat taco bell again. but it was with grayson so the diarrhoea was worth it. grayson is the best. then i finally got to meet ben and mr boring.

I flew out of LA after getting to hang out with multiple people that I love dearly. i had conversations that comforted and inspired my soul deeply. I learned a lot about my self. I learned a lot about my life and what I want from it which was helped along as well by my time in Kansas City also.


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