The last seven years of my life have been lived outside of the usual security of most people. I have no degree. I have no mortgage. I have lived outside of my home country for three years. etc etc blah blah.
And I had convinced myself that I had found a way to find security in more meaningful things like, people and God. Enter, the day I lost my wallet.
I’ve never lost a wallet. I have never lost a credit card. I’ve only lost a passport once, and i found it in my cupboard laters. I have lost many keys. I have lost cars, guitars, socks and other things. But last saturday I lost my wallet. At first I couldn’t believe it, and i positively hoped that it would be found, which turned into forcing myself to realise that i needed access to my bank because i live 11.000km away from my bank and its almost christmas. So i spent over 6 hours waiting for my bank to figure itself out. #frustrated
And, for the record, my wallet has been found, close to where i thought i lost it. But….
My security was shattered. Not because I didn’t trust the people around me to make sure I didn’t die of starvation or something whilst trying to replace my bank cards. and not because my house had no locks on its doors or something. But. My self reliant adulthood was taken away. With my wallet I can buy things whenever I want. With my wallet i could get on a bus and go wherever i wanted, and buy credit for my phone, and prove that at one stage I could drive an australian car.
and in one moment of losing a piece of paper my sister in law gave me for christmas years ago, I lost my independence. A thing i have never wanted. A thing I have blogged about not having, and have worked hard at putting myself into positions of having to rely on people. I have recently, opted for attempting to not need people in daily life.
Now, in the meta story of my life, I am supported by people all over the world, and kept alive only on the backs of others belief of me and my work. But.. it was interesting feeling so naked. So insecure, just because I didn’t have automatic access to my money or bus or phone.
And on top of that, there was a slight chance my wallet had been stolen. And that confusing moment of safelessness…. was not great.
I want to find my security always in a creator who gives me purpose with the breath of His lungs. I want to feel safe in the midst of those who love me and find love in belonging with me. I want to find security in the hands of those I call friend.
and i have to say, that the day after I lost my wallet, i found these things. Even in the midst of feeling a little lost. a little confused, i had people rally around me to make sure that i had what i needed. I had people front me cash, and offer to ring the bank for me. I had my mother Facebook me every morning since, just to see how i am. and it has been one of those times that makes my heart well up with tears to see that I am valued.
and so are you.
Find security in things that can’t be lost or stolen. For that is where solid security lies.